I have been quiet...

I have been quiet lately on so many levels, here, on social media, and just in general.  The truth is this past year has been so hard.  I tried to share about it last December but the blog post went unfinished.  Here is what I wrote:

It's Christmas morning and my boys are still nestled in their beds. I set my alarm so I could get up early and enjoy the quiet and beautiful lights in the darkness. 

2013 has been a very hard year on many levels. It began on the last day of my trip to Ethiopia. I blogged about it last April (see post below). I've realized that situation sent me on a slow downward spiral. This summer was hard. I'm still grieving the loss of a precious friendship. This fall we've experienced many changes, I'm not a big fan of change. All that to say, I recently realized that depression was knocking at my door. Unfortunately, it's a knock I recognize, a journey I've experienced and one that I dread.

Depression is first and foremost a physical illness with mental and spiritual components. I'd love to blog more about the details of depression but for now I'll just say that I've battled depression for almost 20 years. What I have learned is that for me it must be treated on all three levels.

Last night I feel like I experienced a Christmas miracle. We attended the Christmas Eve service at our church. Honestly, I didn't even want to go. This past month I've...

The post ended there but what I experienced on Christmas Eve was a miracle.  I worshipped and enjoyed a deep peace on a night that was so meaningful.  I cried and felt God and for that, I am thankful.  These past four months have continued to be difficult for different reasons.  We are moving and while I am excited it still is hard.  I am also preparing for my next trip to Ethiopia next October, always thinking about the needs in Shanto and wishing I could do more.  I'm struggling with this selling and moving season of life that is so focused on ourselves.  I am overwhelmed with so much need in the world, longing to do more, striving for contentment, trying to be OK with change, with quiet, just clinging to Jesus...


April 12, 2013

I have been quiet...

Lake Awassa, Ethiopia



It's been 2 weeks since I returned home from Ethiopia.  I've been quiet on social media and haven't shared much about the trip.  There is a reason.  First, I want to say that the trip was overall wonderful and I just loved my teammates.  8 of us went and we had a wonderful time traveling and serving together.  Also, our Ethiopia hosts were outstanding and it was such a neat trip on many levels.  So why haven't I been sharing?  The truth is, despite the good there were difficult aspects to taking this trip and I've been struggling to process everything.

We spent 11 days in country.  The 2nd half of day 10 involved a 5 hour drive back to the capital city of Addis Ababa.  That was the day I started to get sick.  Day 11 was suppose to be our shopping/sightseeing day and I was in the ER completely unable to keep any fluid in my body, not fun! 

As we were making that 5 hour drive back to the capital on day 10, I was slowly feeling worse and I was also processing everything we had seen and experienced in the prior 10 days.  Poverty is hard, hard to see, hard to grasp and hard to process.

Our host, Alex, wanted to stop along this 5 hour drive and show us a beautiful lake.  We pulled along the highway, there were several produce stands along the side of the road.  As we got out of our vehicles we were immediately surrounded by children who I assumed belonged to the sellers of the produce.  These children looked normal for rural Ethiopia, barefoot, in rags, dirty, beautiful smiles, a sight we were use to seeing.  As we walked down to the lake I lagged behind the rest of the team and interacted with the children.  On one hand, I was taking in the beautiful scenery...

...on the other hand, I was seeing extreme poverty at it's worst.  These precious children were different than other children I had witnessed.  They were smiling and wanting attention but I quickly noticed that they were hurting each other.  It disturbed me.  A few of the children were carrying sticks and feathers with sharp pointed ends.  I saw them repeatedly hitting each other and poking each other with the sharp tip of the feathers.  There was also shoving, pinching, ear pulling and just plain physical abuse.  It broke my heart, it was the most difficult 10 minutes of the entire trip for me.  We got into our vehicles and left but my heart hurt so much for those children and I just had to ask WHY? Why God?  Why do you allow famine, poverty and injustice in the world when you could do something about it?  The rest of the quote says, "...but I'm afraid HE (God) might ask me the same question."   The truth is I cannot change the world, I can't fix whatever was going on with those precious children along the roadside but I CAN make a difference in the way God has allowed me. 

My body has healed, I'm over the jet lag, I'm ready to share, ready to ask for help (I can't support 150+ orphaned and vulnerable children alone, Yep, I am talking to you dear reader) and I'm ready to get back to raising awareness and support for some precious children in Shanto, Ethiopia.  As of today, 51 children still need a sponsor.  In a nutshell, I am helping raise money (through a sponsorship program) to help orphaned and vulnerable children receive an education, participate in a feeding program, receive medical care and Christian discipleship.  It's all happening in a village called Shanto at a Christian school that I have visited twice.  If you would like to join me please sponsor a child today.  Click here to see the waiting children.  You can also e-mail me at reachinghiskids@gmail.com for more information.