I recently wrote up a
blogging plan and today is
Toss-Up Tuesday! Any topic goes and I decided to write about school choice, our schedule and a recent discussion on internet p*rn that my oldest had with me.
I have 3 boys, a 13 year old 8th grader, very soon to be 12 year old (next weekend is his birthday) 6th grader and a 7-1/2 year old 2nd grader. We are blessed to live in an area that has incredible school choice and since my boys are so different, I am thankful we can find the right fit for each one of them. We have very intentionally chosen public school, I don't feel like getting into the reasons today but it is an intentional and prayerful choice.
School hasn't been easy, my boys aren't the type to just go and be perfect students :-) Overall, I've been blessed with patient and understanding teachers but despite that, we have made a few changes over the years. 9 years ago my goal was to find a school, send all three of them and be there for the long haul. We live in the inner-city and my ideal was to be involved in a neighborhood school and therefore, help support the local community. Ideals are great and initially we found a nice local school but by the time my oldest was in 3rd grade, we had to make a change.
Today my boys attend 3 different school and I feel that all three of their needs are being met. As you can imagine the logistics are quite interesting. Here is our schedule:
M-W mornings my oldest son and youngest son leave around 7:45 & I drive them both to school which is a total of 31 miles round trip. I arrive home by 8:55, pack my middle son's lunch and we head out the door. I drop him off at 9:20 and get home by 9:30, a total of 5 more miles making my morning commute 36 miles.
M-W afternoons I leave my house around 3, head to pick up my oldest at 3:30, drive to my middle son's school by 4 and then pick up my youngest at his friend's house whom he rides home with those days. We get home by 4:30 with a total commute of 25 miles.
So M-W I drive a total of 61 miles and spend around 3 hours and 15 minutes in my car. The past couple school years we have carpooled so my driving was much less but I really am enjoying this schedule and not carpooling. Despite the amount of time, I get to spend quality time alone with each one of my boys and we talk, listen to Christian music and just laugh. It's good with the exception of the last 10 minutes each day when all 3 are in the car :-) As you can imagine, there is inevitably some squabbles and a punch or two :-))
Th-F are different because my oldest son does online school those 2 days. So my driving time and mileage are much less. My youngest and I leave around 8:25, after I drop him off I head back home to get my middle son and drop him off and get home by 9:30. It's a total of 40 minutes driving time and around 15 miles. The afternoons are much easier since I only pick up my middle son and my youngest rides the school bus home.
So that is our schedule. It's totally worth it to spend quality time with my boys, see them each enjoying school and knowing that we have found the right fit for each one. I find that time in the car is great for talking to them, no other distractions.
A couple weeks ago, my oldest jumped into the car and said,
"Mom, if my brothers were here I wouldn't say this but since it's just us, we really need to talk about internet p*rn." Honestly, I am SO thankful we had that car time to talk. Now someone might say,
"Of course, there you go, public school..." but the reality is p*rn is available anytime at the click of a button and Christian school or homeschooled boys are just as vulnerable. My son told me about comments he heard other boys making about looking at p*rn sites online. We had a great talk, this has come up before, and again, I am SO thankful my boys are super open with us. It's something I always wanted and here are the ways I think we have accomplished it:
1)
Prayer - I've prayed that our boys would feel comfortable talking with us about ANYTHING!
2)
Grace-based Parenting - Years ago we read a book called
Grace-Based Parenting and adopted that philosophy in our home. Therefore, my boys aren't perfect, are given the grace to completely and utterly fail and display their sinfulness (with follow up consequence) but with a deep understanding of why we need Jesus, it's impossible to be perfect.
3)
Sex Talk - We have tried to be very open about sex and God's plan. We have told them that sex isn't something to be embarrassed about but that God created it, it's His wonderful plan for marriage.
4)
Don't be Naive - God created men to be turned on by what they see, it's part of God's plan and it will be a temptation from the time they start to hit puberty (by age 11). Boys will be tempted to look at girls and with p*rn so available on the internet, they will find it. Be prepared, set up safeguards and accountability for them. We talk to them about how we need to keep them accountable. I should say that this is with our almost 12 and 13 year old, haven't gotten there yet with the 7 year old.
5)
Don't be afraid - As parents it's our job to teach them everything they need to know to function as adults, sex and the pitfalls are reality, take that part of the job seriously, don't avoid it.
6)
Let them know they can come to you anytime - We have had our oldest come to us and ask for prayer because he was feeling tempted to look at sites he shouldn't, I LOVED that! Again, I highly recommend reading Grace-Based Parenting.
