Comfort & Strength

I have been asking people, outside of my church family, to pray specifically that God would give me strength and wisdom in these days. I have felt that strength and wisdom. Yesterday the church staff wanted to make sure that all the kids were told directly by parents instead of all calling each other or more likely texting. That is why we received the 5:30 a.m. call. We bring several teens to church so we had to act as their "guardian" in this situation. It was painful to have to tell them. Especially since 3 of them had heard from Tinu just hours before she died. We offered our home to them yesterday. One had to work, another just chose to stay home and be with his mom and the rest congregated at our home. In the morning there were lots of tears and silence. In the afternoon another parent from church dropped off a couple more kids and by then they all sat laughing and talking. They watched a movie, ate and just enjoyed each other's company. I felt strong for them. I just silently prayed over them, over Tinu's family, over our church staff and the other youth group kids.

Sunday we headed to church with several kids in our van. It was very quiet in the youth room which is not normal :) About 25+ kids and parents from Tinu's school showed up which was very unexpected. Our youth pastor prepared to speak only to our own youth but God was definitely in that room and I continue to pray that he was working on all those hearts. Tinu attended a public school so my guess is that many were not believers. There were lots of tears but words of truth and comfort filled the air. "Tinu is with Jesus...Tinu believed a lie...Satan wants to kill and destory...we cannot believe his lies...there is hope in Jesus". From there we headed down to the church service. Our former senior pastor came back and helped Pastor Matt. Matt was very emotional so I think it was good Pastor King was there to help. Again, I felt God in the sanctuary and heard His words through our staff. Pastor Matt talked about the obvious faith of Tinu. She was a professed believer and she had fruit in her life. He addressed the question in all our minds, "Why? & Where is she now?" I realized that this is the first time I have had to deal with a suicide. I have heard of people but never anyone this close. Pastor Matt talked about Tinu's profession of faith and the fruit in her life. Just recently she had asked our youth pastor to come over and help her witness to a friend from school. In things that were found in her school backpack it was evident she wanted to please God and service Him. Matt talked about God's examples to us of righteous, strong, Godly people who had felt despair to the point of desiring death. Moses in Numbers 11:15 cried out to God and asked for death. Elijah in I Kings 19 cried out to God to take his life. And there is Job who cursed the day of his birth. Matt said what Tinu did was wrong, it was sin and it displeased God but as a believer our sins are forgiven. Even if Tinu didn't have the opportunity to ask for forgiveness God's grace has covered all her sins. She died and immediately went into the presence of God. She suffers no more! The service ended with prayer and lots of tears.

After the service I noticed our youth group siting silently together. There were tears but overall a sense of peace. However, there was lots of loud cries from her school friends. I can't help but wonder if the difference was the lack of hope. The hope that is found in knowing Jesus. Several people from our congregation were able to comfort these girls with hugs and prayer. I saw God working.

It is a mystery to me how God works through all the sins and evil in this world. I take comfort in knowing He does. He is sovereign. I decided to read up on the sovereignty of God. Here is what I read:

In Daniel 4:34-36 God has taken away everything from Nebuchadnezzar.

³⁴ At the end of that time, I, Nebuchadnezzar, raised my eyes toward heaven, and my sanity was restored. Then I praised the Most High; I honored and glorified him who lives forever.
His dominion is an eternal dominion;
his kingdom endures from generation to generation.

³⁵ All the peoples of the earth
are regarded as nothing.
He does as he pleases
with the powers of heaven
and the peoples of the earth.
No one can hold back his hand
or say to him: "What have you done?"

³⁶ At the same time that my sanity was restored, my honor and splendor were returned to me for the glory of my kingdom. My advisers and nobles sought me out, and I was restored to my throne and became even greater than before. ³⁷ Now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise and exalt and glorify the King of heaven, because everything he does is right and all his ways are just. And those who walk in pride he is able to humble.

Proverb 20:24

²⁴ A man's steps are directed by the LORD.
How then can anyone understand his own way?

Isaiah 14 is a prophecy against the Assryians.

²⁴ The LORD Almighty has sworn,
"Surely, as I have planned, so it will be,
and as I have purposed, so it will stand.

²⁵ I will crush the Assyrian in my land;
on my mountains I will trample him down.
His yoke will be taken from my people,
and his burden removed from their shoulders."

²⁶ This is the plan determined for the whole world;
this is the hand stretched out over all nations.

²⁷ For the LORD Almighty has purposed, and who can thwart him?
His hand is stretched out, and who can turn it back?

Paul addresses this subject in Romans 9.

²⁰But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? "Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?' "^{h]" style=" line-height: 0.5em; ">[h]} ²¹Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?

I know the days ahead will be hard. There will be many more tears and questions but I am thankful not to be walking this path alone. Thank you for your prayers. PLEASE PLEASE pray for Tinu's family especially her 2 brothers who witnessed an awful thing. She also has 3 older sisters and of course her parents.

Why?

I got a 5:30 a.m. call this morning from our youth pastor. One of the kids in our youth group committed suicide last night. It came as a complete shock. This was a beautiful, smart, strong 15 year old girl who came from a great Christian family. I sat stunned for several minutes, the tears still haven't come, and now I am feeling sick to my stomach. Why? I saw no signs of this in her at all! I have struggled so much with depression so you would think I could recognize it. Last Sunday, at our youth service, she was so happy and smiling. My heart is hurting so much for her family. At this point I have no details. I hope that she left a note letting us all know what was going through her mind. I just took this last Sunday. Tinu is on the left.

So please pray for Tinu's family, pray for our youth group (Tinu was so loved), pray for our church and pray that God would give me wisdom in how to help these teens deal with and understand this suicide because at the moment I don't understand.

Baptism

Sunday was wonderful. My young friend got baptized! She had her testimony all written out and did a fantastic job. I think it was the only baptism that I have been too that got a standing ovation. She was so exicted about letting everyone know that she is a follower of Jesus!! I was so proud of her.

Is it worth it to reach them all?

I helped at our youth group lock-in last night. 5 of our neighbor friends came. 2 didn't and I must admit I was glad. These 2 boys have been very difficult. One in particular. We have really bent over backwards for him and it has been at the expense of others. Which brings up the question is it always worth it to reach out? I am struggling with this right now. I love those 2 boys and would love to see them come to Jesus but I want to make sure the 5 others are protected and have an opportunity to come to faith and grow.

The lock-in was so much fun. I only stayed until midnight. I really wanted to stay longer but I am old and have responsibilities. One of my favorite neighbor friends stole the show! They broke the kids up into teams and did a Project Runway game. Each team had to dress up 1 person and they had to walk the runway and the adults picked a winner. He was hilarious. I haven't laughed that hard in years. I was crying. He is such a fun kid. I realized that he will be a Jr. in HS when my oldest son starts youth group. That made me happy He will be a great roll model for those younger kids.

My sister in Christ

I had the privilege tonight of praying with a dear young friend and hearing her FINALLY commit her life to Jesus!! I am so happy!!

parties, guns and teens

In the past 4 months 4 teenagers have died. I didn't personally know any of them but they all had connections to our neighbor kids. It has been sad to see these kids, who we love so much, lose a sibling, a friend and 2 aquaintances. It has been painful to know they saw them one day and the next they were gone. I drove one of my dear young friends home tonight after church. She talked a lot about her friend who was shot last Saturday. We talked about the fact that she hasn't made a choice to follow Jesus and that if she died right now it would be too late. She was still hesitant about taking that important step in her life. I told her I see how God has His hands around her and keeps drawing her close to Him. She feels like she has sinned too much for God to want her, like she couldn't possibly keep her end of the bargain on that big of a committment and that she would give up things in her life she enjoys. Yet she calls me all the time and keeps coming to church every Wednesday and Sunday. I told her that God is drawing her in to hear His words. She needs to listen and respond. So please pray for my dear friend. I love her SO MUCH and want to see her give her life to Jesus!

Spiritual Warfare

I would love to hear other people's thoughts on spiritual warfare so please enlighten me.

I know the Bible talks about our battle being against spiritual forces. It is so hard for me to comprehend. However, I often stop and wonder about things in my life and if they are truly caused by spiritual warfare.

This weekend Dan was gone. On Saturday I had several kids from our youth group over to do a work project in exchange for us supporting them on their mission's trip. Then I offered to have 2 of our teenage neighbor friends, who are involved in our youth group, come over for a slumber party. The work day was stressful. By mid-afternoon I was so tired and crabby I wanted to cancel the slumber party plans. My middle son was so difficult all weekend. It seemed like someone was standing behind him and pushing all the wrong buttons. He was taking it out on all of us and I was taking out my crabbiness on my kids. I didn't cancel the slumber party and the girls came over. They had fun but I was still crabby and wishing I was alone. Sunday morning was stressful but we all got out the door and made it to church 15 minutes late. During Sunday School one of these young ladies got a call on her cell phone and found out that one of her friends from high school had been killed late the night before at a party. He was shot in the chest. She told me that if she hadn't spent the night she would of been at that party. WOW! I thanked God that I didn't cancel and that she was safe at my house. So was all the stress and crabbiness a result of spiritual warfare? How does satan work in our lives?

Tonight at dinner my oldest stopped us as I was slamming the food down. He said, "I think we need to pray." He then proceeded to say a wonderful prayer and asked Jesus to help all of us be nice to each other. I had to apologize to my children several times this weekend. I was so out of line. At times like that I get even crabbier because I know I am setting a bad example. It was good to see my son pray and know that even though I fail at times I have succeed in setting a good example other times.